I Want You To Want Me

I have a need to be liked. Pretty much all of the time. I want to be liked in my career, my social life, and especially on twitter. But to an extent who doesn't? Everyone wants to be liked, or at least they want to be liked a little. Kurt Cobain probably wanted to be liked, but then too many people liked him. He was an inspiration though and people still like his music.

Teenage girls REALLY want to be liked, so much so, that they even say the word "like" frequently to put the idea of liking them in your head, thus making you hate them.

One time when I said "Turn off the light" my friend thought I said "Turn off the like." He's like stupid.

To "Like" something on facebook means to show your affection for a person, place, or thing on your page. Which is great because I can see how many of my friends "like" the band Nickelback and swiftly not be friends with them anymore.

Some people find the word "Like" annoying and cringe a little on the inside when someone is using the word "Like" too much. I am one of those people, that's why I don't like myself right now.

You might be wondering by this point, if you're still reading, what is the reason for this post? I don't know. Maybe it was all the times I've heard of parents who found their kids smoking and then they made them smoke the whole pack at once so they wouldn't want to do it again.

So, like, smoke the whole pack bitch and stop saying like so much!

A Sense of Confusion

Lately things haven't been as in order in my brain as they used to be. Sure, I'm still slowly grinding the gears forward as I plot out different stories and books that I will write someday in the future (probably after 2012. Why start now and have the world end, am I right?) but I lack mental tidiness these days.

When I am thirsty and go to the fridge I can barely decide whether to have soda or milk (although soda usually wins somehow). When it gets to be late at night I can't decide whether I should go to sleep now or stay up. When it comes to actually writing any portion of any of the story outlines I've come up with recently, I can't decide which to start on.

I am literally a mass of Caucasian confusion.

Although, I dread the end of summer as it creeps nearer and nearer, I do almost invite the return to involuntary order. I won't have a busy schedule even then, but there will be set times when I have to be at school. Set times when I have to wake up, and therefore set times when I have to go to sleep in order to not be a walking zombie when I wake up at the set time when I have to.

So maybe, I can't believe I'm saying this, school (and later work) is necessary for someone like me. I am kind of looking forward to August 23 when I start back, I'll be bored, tired, and have less time to write, but at least I'll be a bit more functioning.

Thank you for reading and don't do drugs kids....or do them. I don't really care. Just don't blame me or eat all my Doritos.

Traffic Violation

I recently got pulled over by the police while I was driving (as opposed to when I was sailing). I would like to act really indignant at being pulled over but to be fair I was flinging babies out the window as I went...so it was kind of understandable.

No, actually what happened is there were two cops standing on the side of the road by their cruisers, blue lights flashing, at night I might add, and they apparently thought I almost hit them when I went into the left lane to go around them. And when two cops think you almost hit them with your car, surprisingly, they get angry!

So we had a nice little meeting, and by "nice little meeting" I mean, they yelled various profanities at me for 15 minutes while I apologized over and over again like a little bitch...but now I'm talking about them on my blog so...I think I got my street cred back. OG 4 Lyfe.

They ended up giving me a ticket for "careless driving" because I didn't hit a cop with my car, but they think I almost did. I didn't know I could get a ticket for that.

"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"40?"
"yeah, and that's almost 52, which would be speeding, here's your ticket!"

But maybe I'm wrong, the only shows I watch that could be considered similar to cop shows are The X-Files and Law & Order: SVU. So unless I ever get raped by a shape-shifter I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

4th of July

It seems 4th of July is upon us once again. A time for many to gorge on meat and drink beer, all in the name of freedom. Yeah, it doesn't make too much since to me either but neither does Easter.

You might be asking out loud to the computer screen right now (Because no one is around but your three cats. And you know only one of them will judge you. And it just so happens he's the one being put down in a few days anyway due to cat leukemia.) "What's your plans for the 4th of July, oh mysterious blogger?"

My plans? I am going to spend my time pretending the popping sound I hear outside is gunshots because the idea that there could be people outside my window having an old west style shootout is more comforting to me than the idea that happy people are shooting explosions into the sky so they can see a pretty light show. You might be saying, "Gee, that sounds depressing. Why don't you be more optimistic? Look on the bright side?"

Maybe the bright side isn't so good. Maybe the bright side makes you go blind and gives you terminal skin cancer. Personally I prefer the dark side. We have better jokes...and from what I hear, cookies.

But don't let depressing ole me piss on your parade. By all means, have a happy fourth. I'll be in my dark corner wondering how Tom Waits growls like that all the time and doesn't go through cough drops like Courtney Love through bad decisions.

"Misery's The River Of The World"

Book Titles

Recently I sat down and attempted to come up with book ideas and titles for a nonfiction book to write. I knew it had to be something I had experience or knowledge in and the titles that came to mind reveal how pathetic my life is. so for your entertainment, here they are:

-Why I'm Alone: Explorations Into Isolation

-How To Get Laid: I'm a Virgin, So I Should Know

-How Do I Smell? (I try not bathing for an extended period of time and note results.)

-I Wanted To Name This The Bible But My Publisher Said That Wasn't Funny

-My Mustache, Your Mustache, Three Mustache, Four

Maybe I should just stick with unemployment.

Dual Survival - Singular Idea

Discovery channel is innovative. And you know what, Discovery channel knows what you like. And you know what else? Discovery channel has a new show. I can only imagine the scene in some shiny, expensive-looking room in a skyscraper where the execs at Discovery channel drummed up the idea for their latest smash(yet educational) hit.

"ok, are we all here? Good. We need a new show to add to our summer lineup. Any ideas?"
"Well, Survivorman was a huge success, that was about a guy out in the wilderness surviving the elements. Then Man Vs. Wild was really successful, that was about a guy out in the wilderness surviving the elements....hey, why don't we make a show about being out in the wilderness and surviving the elements, except we put TWO guys out there?"
"That's a great idea!"

And that ladies and gentleman must have been how "Dual Survival" was created. Oh, but there's more. See, one guy is a long-haired, bare foot walking, hippie and the other is a meat eating, American, hard-nose. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "Well, if they added a baby it would be a perfect sitcom." That's correct and congratulations for being as messed up in the head as I am to automatically recognize a good opportunity for a bad sitcom.

I am looking forward to what Discovery channel comes up with next. Maybe a show about a young couple that have to survive in the wilderness....but then their nosy parents show up! Oh my God! Watch as hilarity ensues!

Cracker Barrel (Cracker Being The Key Word)

There is always a moment on trips with my family where everything starts to go wrong. that moment is always when someone says, "Hey, there's Cracker Barrel."

In case you don't know what Cracker Barrel is, it's like if you started a restaurant, you bought a building and hired cooks and waitresses. You bought tables and silverware and made a nice little parking lot. And then you had Larry The Cable Guy come in and just vomit all over the place. That's Cracker Barrel.

Now, as a white person I am somewhat comfortable around relatively large groups of white people, but even I am a little startled and slightly frightened by the ratio of white people to non-white people in Cracker Barrels. I believe I now understand what the Cracker Barrel name means though.

Cracker Barrel --- Barrel full of Crackers --- Building full of Crackers eating

Dear God. I believe I've broken the code. This is just like The Da Vinci Code. Only Tom Hanks won't return my phone calls and unlike Dan Brown, priests like me (mostly for my youthful cheekbones).

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I should have known a blog post at 1:30 Am about Cracker Barrel would only lead to bad things.