The Junk Shot

As the oil leak in the gulf of mexico continues to follow what Mr. Jagger commanded back in the day to "Paint it Black", BP is rushing to find a solution to stop it. their techniques to stop it include: "The Top Hat", "Double Pipe", "The Junk Shot", and "The Relief Well"(source). BP is yet to come up with a solution that does not sound like a sexual position that girls won't do with me.

The good news is that inventors have now successfully created the first car that runs on water, technically that water is now around 75% oil, but still I'd say that is quite an accomplishment.

Women's Day/Sharks Battle Squids

International Women's Day is on Monday, so you know what that means- put the toilet seat down, pop Sex In the City: The Movie in the Dvd player, and warm up those vocal chords because it's time to party!

Sure, I thought International Women's Day was on February 14th every year, but apparently March 8 is officially the day for ladies everywhere. It originally began during the early 20th century as women were attempting to gain equality in the workplace and in every other field they felt discriminated in (except the killing spiders field. lucky us). I don't know how you celebrate this great holiday, but I personally commemorate this blessed day by tucking my junk between my legs and singing my favorite Beyonce songs. Of course, I always do that when I get drunk...

In other news, scientists say sharks are apparently migrating to have undersea battles with giant squid. I know that sounds more like the plot of a Syfy channel original movie but it's actually true. check out the article here. less cheesy dialog in the article than on Syfy unfortunately.

Puppy Love

I don't want you to think that I added a picture of a dog with glasses at the top of my page to attract attention and blog readers through it's cuteness or something. in fact that dog has no soul and will eat your babies. he wears those glasses to see the fear in your eyes as he reaches inside of your chest and rips whatever organ he feels first from your body. he makes you look at it and then as you breath your last breathe he laughs a maniacal laugh which sounds from the spot where your body lay lifeless all the way to the deepest depths of hell. it's quite sinister actually.
he's also related to Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell.

7 Month Reunion

I graduated from high school last year. I (pretty much) liked all my classmates and enjoyed having them as fellow students for the three years I had been there. However, now when I run into them at my college or around town something feels weird. I don't feel an urge to "catch up". sure it has not been long since graduation, and there really is little to catch up on, but it seems like the feelings should be there. I feel sort of bad, brushing my old friends off after a brief "hello" and smile, but it's like I don't want a long conversation with them. Like I have counted them as the past already and engaging in conversation with them would be looking back when I need to be looking forward.

My classmates held a reunion of sorts a little while back. It had been less then a year since graduation and I thought it was silly to have one so soon. what did we have to talk about? I didn't go. I don't how many actually did attend, although in my mind almost everyone was there, except of course me. I am fairly introverted and don't have much of a liking for pointless small talk or useless chatter. I like important information or things that make me laugh and I like my thoughts to my self. Maybe that makes me silly instead of the reunion but it is how I have always been. having no desire to fake enthusiasm for an hour or so and not having accomplished anything to give me something to mention to them; It seemed pointless and more like a chore than an enjoyable meet and greet.

I'm not really sure how to end this post or what I expect anyone who may read this to take away from it. I think this is something that was just infesting my mind and something I needed to let out through some means. My writing is helping me to understand myself much better than ever before. Regardless of money that is a great reward for authorship.

New Blog

I just started a new blog to have all my fictional writing on it. http://ejfictional.blogspot.com/ . mixing in fictional work within this blog would not have felt right. this is where my thoughts are released, the other blog will be where my creativity is released.

there is nothing on it as I type this, but hopefully soon I will have something on there for you to read. until then, follow it or something...and get ready!

Things Happen

A lot has happened since my last blog post on here. I found a new love- books. sure I'd read them before but that was involuntarily at school. reading a book at my own pace; a book of my choosing, I found was a lot more fun. of course Christmas happened (I got deodorant again. Mom, Dad, I get it okay!?!) and also a new year began. for most people new year's day is when they contemplate their life and make decisions that will supposedly affect that life. I did no such thing. I went so far as to not even watch the ball drop. It was just another day to me. just another midnight.

However, recently I believe I have begun a sort of transformation of my own. My new found passion for books opened a new world to me and a new idea for a career. Since I was about 14 stand-up comedy was my dream and one I was fully prepared to go after. however now the idea of being a writer...of books, seemed like something I should at least consider. So I sat down one night and tried to think of ideas, plots, and characters for a book. to my surprise it was a lot of fun just sitting there orchestrating and thinking out this story. I kick myself for not having thought of this possible career path earlier and following the alarming trend among teenagers of viewing books as boring and uncool.

Stand-up comedy is still a love of mine, and could still be the career I end up pursuing but being a writer thrills me at the moment. The endless possibilities excite me. I could write anything. drama, thriller, horror, comedy, anything. I wasn't bound by what others found funny. Not having to stand up in front of a group of drunks and humiliate my self on a regular basis also sounds nice.

anyway, expect more posts here. I need practice writing and whether or not anyone reads this doesn't matter. I just need practice, practice, practice and this is where that will happen.

Explain This To Me

I have two requests. 1: watch the following video, try not to hurl. 2: explain to me what the hell this is and how it exists.



why isn't that the Jersey Shore theme song?

I thought the Jonas Brothers were bad, but at least they have some amount of shame. these guys just roll around in their lame boy bandness and embrace it.

but wait, did you think it couldn't get gayer? think again...


thank God some how we made it through the douche pandemic of the late 90's and early 00's. that's easily the closest we've come to the apocalypse.

ok, i need to go watch ESPN and remind myself i'm a man. later.