Senators Gone Wild

Spitzer, Craig, and now Sanford. it's amazing how freaky(and unfaithful) our senators can be. i don't know exactly what this means for the state of South Carolina. who do they call mom? Sanford's wife or the girl from Argentina? oh a state in turmoil. it's like Jon & Kate plus eight all over again!


let's play a game, inspired by all this senator sex. it's called "which senator will get caught in a sex scandal next?"

personally i have my money on Senator Byrd



honestly, what woman could resist his wrinkly, arthiritic white man charm? look at him already raising his fist in sexual triumph. that's a man satisfied. if not by sex, maybe by Matlock. either way he's victorious.

CNN

i think it's common opinion that Fox News is the right wing, conservative news channel on cable tv. on the opposite side i think CNN is the liberal, left wing, democratic news channel. not because their reporting is unfair or biased, but because only a liberal news channel could get away with doing an entire week of special reports on weed in America. like CNN did this week.

yeah, while you're in your so called "no spin zone" reporting news stories that are relevant and fair, Bill O'Reilly, Anderson Cooper is in a pharmacy that sells green tea with cannabis in it. still care that your ratings are apparently better, Bill? i know Anderson doesn't because he's too busy listening to Zeppelin albums in his basement to care.

i really think CNN's news reporting has slightly suffered though because of this week long special coverage of marijuana in America. especially when i saw that one of their top stories the other day was about a new Doritos flavor coming out next year. it seems like Iran would be a bigger story wouldn't it?

when it comes to hemp, CNN is coverage you can count on.

Coffee

coffee is my new best friend (sorry awkwardness). i had a full cup of coffee for the first time this morning and i have to say, i think i have superpowers. i know i don't actually, but i feel so aware and awake i kinda feel like i do. this is probably how rip van winkle felt after he finally woke up after all those years. only i don't have leaves in my long luxurious white beard (i also don't have a white beard).

anyway, i am feeling invincible and will probably go play in traffic on the highway after i am done posting this. don't worry i'll be fine. i have coffee to protect me. then after highway playtime i may provoke a pack of wild wolves. they'll never catch while i'm on coffee.

to say the least this will not be the last time i drink coffee. something tells me this will lead to some sort of intervention.

The Hasselhoff

i have been watching old David Hasselhoff music videos for the past 10 or 15 minutes on youtube. funny, the only place he is slightly accepted as a musician is Germany. you know i realize that the Nazis were horrible and did a lot of horrible things to many people from different countries. but i have to say, if we gave them Hasselhoff. we're pretty much even now aren't we?

you gave us the nazis, we gave you Hasselhoff. payback's a bitch isn't it Germany?

i am thinking we send the Jonas Brothers over there too. i know, Obama said we don't torture anymore, but we have to send them somewhere. and the only other options that i am behind are Iran or North Korea. but i thought we were trying to avoid war with both of them, so that won't work.

sorry Germany. what has to be done, has to be done. tell you what, if it'll make you feel better. we'll pretend we like soccer.

Picture Me

now all one of the people that may be reading this blog on a regular basis could be wondering why there is no picture of me. or for some reason might want a picture of me. well i am not going to post one. not really because i am afraid of what might happen if i post my picture on the internet for everyone to see, but i really just don't have a picture of myself i particularly like. i don't get in many pictures and the ones i am in i look drunk/high even though i am neither.

besides i recently began growing fabulous facial hair in the form of a moustache and chin hair which is not displayed in any picture i have which i could post on here. my moustache makes me feel like Magnum P.I. when in reality it probably makes me look more like a homeless guy or a heroin addict. either way i'm keeping it. due to school policy i haven't been allowed to grow one since i have been able to. i must express my hairy freedom. i believe George Washington would want me to.

since i will not post a picture of myself please enjoy this picture of an ape choking Mark Wahlberg instead.

Moving Out

recently i helped my sister move out of her apartment. which i like a lot more than moving in to an apartment. moving in to an apartment feels like you are showcasing all your stuff to the thieves in the area. "hey here's all our stuff come steal it sometime. look we have a 32 inch tv, come by and rob us of it if you can find the time, in your busy schedule of robbing."

but the moment that was odd to me was at one point when i was about to load the "ab rocket" into the car, my sister told me to wait until later. as if someone would come by and steal the ab rocket when we weren't looking.

yeah because there are so many thieves worried about their abs. "no dude forget the jewelry store, we gotta steal that ab rocket. you know how insecure i feel about my abs. we have to steal that!"

i guess i forgot that ruthless criminals have physical insecurities too.

Welcome...Make Yourself At Cyber Home

well this is my blog. i don't know how often i will post in this but i can't help but want a blog for some reason. i have had a few before but they turned into something i really didn't enjoy posting in. this one will hopefully be better written and much smarter than those other ones. but most importantly i will be more open and maybe more thoughtful.

i was just a stupid kid when i wrote those other ones, now i am a slightly less stupid kid writing this one.

i don't know if anyone will read this but i don't really care. it's therapeutic for me to write. it's also nice knowing there is a possibility my writing is read by someone, somewhere. if you do read this (my blog, not necessarily this post) please feel free to comment. good, bad, or indifferent, it is good to hear feedback.

oh, and if you do plan on commenting you might want to hurry, according to the countdown clock the end of the world is coming in 772 days. sure i pulled the date for the end of the world completely out of my ass, but you never know. maybe my ass is psychic.