Book Titles

Recently I sat down and attempted to come up with book ideas and titles for a nonfiction book to write. I knew it had to be something I had experience or knowledge in and the titles that came to mind reveal how pathetic my life is. so for your entertainment, here they are:

-Why I'm Alone: Explorations Into Isolation

-How To Get Laid: I'm a Virgin, So I Should Know

-How Do I Smell? (I try not bathing for an extended period of time and note results.)

-I Wanted To Name This The Bible But My Publisher Said That Wasn't Funny

-My Mustache, Your Mustache, Three Mustache, Four

Maybe I should just stick with unemployment.

Dual Survival - Singular Idea

Discovery channel is innovative. And you know what, Discovery channel knows what you like. And you know what else? Discovery channel has a new show. I can only imagine the scene in some shiny, expensive-looking room in a skyscraper where the execs at Discovery channel drummed up the idea for their latest smash(yet educational) hit.

"ok, are we all here? Good. We need a new show to add to our summer lineup. Any ideas?"
"Well, Survivorman was a huge success, that was about a guy out in the wilderness surviving the elements. Then Man Vs. Wild was really successful, that was about a guy out in the wilderness surviving the elements....hey, why don't we make a show about being out in the wilderness and surviving the elements, except we put TWO guys out there?"
"That's a great idea!"

And that ladies and gentleman must have been how "Dual Survival" was created. Oh, but there's more. See, one guy is a long-haired, bare foot walking, hippie and the other is a meat eating, American, hard-nose. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "Well, if they added a baby it would be a perfect sitcom." That's correct and congratulations for being as messed up in the head as I am to automatically recognize a good opportunity for a bad sitcom.

I am looking forward to what Discovery channel comes up with next. Maybe a show about a young couple that have to survive in the wilderness....but then their nosy parents show up! Oh my God! Watch as hilarity ensues!

Cracker Barrel (Cracker Being The Key Word)

There is always a moment on trips with my family where everything starts to go wrong. that moment is always when someone says, "Hey, there's Cracker Barrel."

In case you don't know what Cracker Barrel is, it's like if you started a restaurant, you bought a building and hired cooks and waitresses. You bought tables and silverware and made a nice little parking lot. And then you had Larry The Cable Guy come in and just vomit all over the place. That's Cracker Barrel.

Now, as a white person I am somewhat comfortable around relatively large groups of white people, but even I am a little startled and slightly frightened by the ratio of white people to non-white people in Cracker Barrels. I believe I now understand what the Cracker Barrel name means though.

Cracker Barrel --- Barrel full of Crackers --- Building full of Crackers eating

Dear God. I believe I've broken the code. This is just like The Da Vinci Code. Only Tom Hanks won't return my phone calls and unlike Dan Brown, priests like me (mostly for my youthful cheekbones).

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I should have known a blog post at 1:30 Am about Cracker Barrel would only lead to bad things.