Book Titles

Recently I sat down and attempted to come up with book ideas and titles for a nonfiction book to write. I knew it had to be something I had experience or knowledge in and the titles that came to mind reveal how pathetic my life is. so for your entertainment, here they are:

-Why I'm Alone: Explorations Into Isolation

-How To Get Laid: I'm a Virgin, So I Should Know

-How Do I Smell? (I try not bathing for an extended period of time and note results.)

-I Wanted To Name This The Bible But My Publisher Said That Wasn't Funny

-My Mustache, Your Mustache, Three Mustache, Four

Maybe I should just stick with unemployment.

Dual Survival - Singular Idea

Discovery channel is innovative. And you know what, Discovery channel knows what you like. And you know what else? Discovery channel has a new show. I can only imagine the scene in some shiny, expensive-looking room in a skyscraper where the execs at Discovery channel drummed up the idea for their latest smash(yet educational) hit.

"ok, are we all here? Good. We need a new show to add to our summer lineup. Any ideas?"
"Well, Survivorman was a huge success, that was about a guy out in the wilderness surviving the elements. Then Man Vs. Wild was really successful, that was about a guy out in the wilderness surviving the elements....hey, why don't we make a show about being out in the wilderness and surviving the elements, except we put TWO guys out there?"
"That's a great idea!"

And that ladies and gentleman must have been how "Dual Survival" was created. Oh, but there's more. See, one guy is a long-haired, bare foot walking, hippie and the other is a meat eating, American, hard-nose. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "Well, if they added a baby it would be a perfect sitcom." That's correct and congratulations for being as messed up in the head as I am to automatically recognize a good opportunity for a bad sitcom.

I am looking forward to what Discovery channel comes up with next. Maybe a show about a young couple that have to survive in the wilderness....but then their nosy parents show up! Oh my God! Watch as hilarity ensues!

Cracker Barrel (Cracker Being The Key Word)

There is always a moment on trips with my family where everything starts to go wrong. that moment is always when someone says, "Hey, there's Cracker Barrel."

In case you don't know what Cracker Barrel is, it's like if you started a restaurant, you bought a building and hired cooks and waitresses. You bought tables and silverware and made a nice little parking lot. And then you had Larry The Cable Guy come in and just vomit all over the place. That's Cracker Barrel.

Now, as a white person I am somewhat comfortable around relatively large groups of white people, but even I am a little startled and slightly frightened by the ratio of white people to non-white people in Cracker Barrels. I believe I now understand what the Cracker Barrel name means though.

Cracker Barrel --- Barrel full of Crackers --- Building full of Crackers eating

Dear God. I believe I've broken the code. This is just like The Da Vinci Code. Only Tom Hanks won't return my phone calls and unlike Dan Brown, priests like me (mostly for my youthful cheekbones).

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I should have known a blog post at 1:30 Am about Cracker Barrel would only lead to bad things.

The Junk Shot

As the oil leak in the gulf of mexico continues to follow what Mr. Jagger commanded back in the day to "Paint it Black", BP is rushing to find a solution to stop it. their techniques to stop it include: "The Top Hat", "Double Pipe", "The Junk Shot", and "The Relief Well"(source). BP is yet to come up with a solution that does not sound like a sexual position that girls won't do with me.

The good news is that inventors have now successfully created the first car that runs on water, technically that water is now around 75% oil, but still I'd say that is quite an accomplishment.

Women's Day/Sharks Battle Squids

International Women's Day is on Monday, so you know what that means- put the toilet seat down, pop Sex In the City: The Movie in the Dvd player, and warm up those vocal chords because it's time to party!

Sure, I thought International Women's Day was on February 14th every year, but apparently March 8 is officially the day for ladies everywhere. It originally began during the early 20th century as women were attempting to gain equality in the workplace and in every other field they felt discriminated in (except the killing spiders field. lucky us). I don't know how you celebrate this great holiday, but I personally commemorate this blessed day by tucking my junk between my legs and singing my favorite Beyonce songs. Of course, I always do that when I get drunk...

In other news, scientists say sharks are apparently migrating to have undersea battles with giant squid. I know that sounds more like the plot of a Syfy channel original movie but it's actually true. check out the article here. less cheesy dialog in the article than on Syfy unfortunately.

Puppy Love

I don't want you to think that I added a picture of a dog with glasses at the top of my page to attract attention and blog readers through it's cuteness or something. in fact that dog has no soul and will eat your babies. he wears those glasses to see the fear in your eyes as he reaches inside of your chest and rips whatever organ he feels first from your body. he makes you look at it and then as you breath your last breathe he laughs a maniacal laugh which sounds from the spot where your body lay lifeless all the way to the deepest depths of hell. it's quite sinister actually.
he's also related to Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell.

7 Month Reunion

I graduated from high school last year. I (pretty much) liked all my classmates and enjoyed having them as fellow students for the three years I had been there. However, now when I run into them at my college or around town something feels weird. I don't feel an urge to "catch up". sure it has not been long since graduation, and there really is little to catch up on, but it seems like the feelings should be there. I feel sort of bad, brushing my old friends off after a brief "hello" and smile, but it's like I don't want a long conversation with them. Like I have counted them as the past already and engaging in conversation with them would be looking back when I need to be looking forward.

My classmates held a reunion of sorts a little while back. It had been less then a year since graduation and I thought it was silly to have one so soon. what did we have to talk about? I didn't go. I don't how many actually did attend, although in my mind almost everyone was there, except of course me. I am fairly introverted and don't have much of a liking for pointless small talk or useless chatter. I like important information or things that make me laugh and I like my thoughts to my self. Maybe that makes me silly instead of the reunion but it is how I have always been. having no desire to fake enthusiasm for an hour or so and not having accomplished anything to give me something to mention to them; It seemed pointless and more like a chore than an enjoyable meet and greet.

I'm not really sure how to end this post or what I expect anyone who may read this to take away from it. I think this is something that was just infesting my mind and something I needed to let out through some means. My writing is helping me to understand myself much better than ever before. Regardless of money that is a great reward for authorship.